Hold it!
Stop right there...
V-CHIP CONTENT WARNING: THIS WEB PAGE IS RATED: R, V, NPC, RI, S, I13. [For processing by the required-by-1998 V-chips, those reading this post from an archive must set their V-chip to "42-0666." I will not be held responsible for material incorrectly filtered-out by a V-chip that has been by-passed, hot-chipped, or incorrectly programmed.]
***WARNING!*** It has become necessary to warn potential readers of my contents before they proceed further. This warning may not fully protect me against criminal or civil proceedings, but it may be treated as a positive attempt to obey the various and increasing numbers of laws.
Under the ***TELECOM ACT OF 1996***, minor CHILDREN (under the age of 18) may not read or handle this message under any circumstances. If you are under 18, drop carrier NOW. Also, if you are developmentally disabled, irony-impaired, emotionally traumatized, schizophrenic, suffering PMS, affected by Humor Deprivation Syndrome (HDS), or under the care of a doctor, then the TELECOM ACT OF 1996 may apply to you as well, even if you are over 18. If you fall into one of these categories and are not considered competent to judge for yourself what you are reading, DELETE this URL from your web browser NOW.
Under the UTAH PROTECTION OF CHILDREN ACT OF 1996, those under the age of 21 may not browse this web page. All residents of Utah, and Mormons elsewhere, must install the M-Chip.
Under the PROTECTION OF THE REICH laws, residents of Germany may not browse this web page.
Under the MERCIFUL SHIELD OF ALLAH (Praise be to Him!) holy interpretations of the Koran of the following countries (but not limited to this list) you may not browse this web page if you are a FEMALE OF ANY AGE: Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, United Arab Emirates, Qatar, Egypt, Jordan, Sudan, Libya, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Tunisia, Yemen, Oman, Syria, Bahrain, and the Palestinian Authority. Non-female persons may also be barred from browsing this web page, depending on the settings of your I-Chip.
Under the proposed CHINESE INTERNET laws, covering The People's Republic of China, Formosa, Hong Kong, Macao, Malaysia, and parts of several surrrounding territories, the rules are so nebulous and unspecified that I cannot say whether you are allowed to browse this. Thus, you must SUBMIT any URL you wish to browse to your local authorities for further filtering.
In Singapore, merely be RECEIVING this web page you have violated the will of Lee Kwan Yu. Report to your local police office to receive your caning.
Finally, if you are barrred from contact with the Internet, or protected by court order from being disturbed by thoughts which may disturb you, or covered by protective orders, it is up to you to adjust the settings of your V-Chip to ensure that my web page does not reach you.
*** THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE IN COMPLYING WITH THESE LAWS ***